We didn't know what we were doing!

Last updated : 20 January 2010 By Malcolm Dunkley

Cian has now bagged himself two goals, and has admitted he now 'knows what we are supposed to be doing'. LCM were intrigued by this revelation, and chose to ask a selection of Imps players that appeared under Jacko if they'd known what they were doing. Unfortunately due to the fact we were at home watching Celebrity Big Brother, we decided to make the answers up.

Steff Oakes was the first to admit he wasn't sure when he first signed what his role actually was: "The gaffer said something about peeling carrots, and I was quite interested in the new role. Then he suddenly stuck me on a football pitch without carrots or a knife. He reckoned I could use my feet, but lets be honest thats just mental."

No less confused was former Imps loanee Rene Howe. Speaking from his house made of gold (right) in Peterborough, the lethargic one said: "Yeah when I went down there I was told I'd just be picking up a bag of money a week for doing nothing. Wasn't that right?"

Rumours that Aaron Brown turned up at the club with Star Wars monopoly are completely unfounded at the moment, and talk of Frank Sinclair thinking Sincil Bank was a retirement home are just horrible lies.

Going back to Cian, he spoke of his upset at realising that instead of being brought in to play football, Jacko actually thought he'd signed the randy one from JLS as his daughter asked. "I walked into the dressing room and the gaffer asked where the rest of the band were. I didn't know what he was on about, then his daughter came out and asked for an autograph. It was all very bizarre"

The list just goes on and on. David Graham had been brought in to 'drink the bar dry', Sam Mullarkey ' to give headline writers an amusing name to play with' and Adrian Patulea 'because there was a seat in the St Andrews stand that needed to be kept warm'.

Finally Paul Connor explained how he'd been brought in as the 'last gasp excuse' for not performing. "The gaffer told me to make sure I stayed consistent, which for me means an injury once every one day. I did that, and then he could go out and give his excuse as 'we've got injuries'. However what we didn't have was a clue."

The was discussions ongoing with Dr Watson from the Sherlock Holmes film as Jacko believed that he might 'have a clue or two'. Failing that he'd also approached Lionel Blair because 'he must have had loads of clues, people gave him them every week for years'.